


Dirk Gently's Guide to: Trusting Your Assistant

by unintentionallyangsty



Series: Dirk Gently: Private Detective [1]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emetophobia, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Series, Sickfic, this is gay, un-beta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 17:24:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8854207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unintentionallyangsty/pseuds/unintentionallyangsty
Summary: Dirk Gently is, generally, open minded and willing to talk out any situation he doesn't understand, when necessary.Todd Brotzman is less so.After pursuing a relationship, it was almost guaranteed that the two of them would run into some... problems.This is one of those problems.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this was a little angstier than I set out for the first part of this series to be but, y'know. these things generally happen.  
> the au summary can be found within the Series Description

The front door slammed in such a violent fashion that Dirk jerked upward from his reclining position on the sofa and lurched toward the source of the noise. 

“Todd!” He cried in jubilation, grinning widely and striding forward to grasp his worn-looking boyfriend’s shoulders between both hands, “You’re looking well!” 

Todd, after having spent a considerable amount of time zoned out on a blank space over Dirk’s shoulder, met Dirk’s eyes with a weak smile, “Don’t joke around, Dirk, I look like shit.” 

Dirk let his smile fade a bit before forcing an exaggerated, considering expression. 

“Well,” He admitted after a minute, “I didn’t think that was what you _wanted_ to hear but…”

Todd smirked a bit in response before skittering out of Dirk’s outstretched arms and skirting around his now somewhat deflated boyfriend.

Dirk bit his lip, contemplating that, now that a simple How D’you Do Joke hadn’t assisted in completing mission Cheer Todd Up any, he’d have to recalculate the whole situation. 

He’d known that Todd was going to be out-of-sorts when he arrived back home, of course. He liked to think that he had a sort of “intuition” about these sorts of things. 

Todd, however, rarely seemed to share that intuition, and instead seemed perfectly content in spending most of his time confusing his boyfriend, more than anything else. 

(To Dirk’s endless irritation and, unfortunately, fascination)

As if responding to the thought, Todd sniffled (a pitiful sound, really) from where he now stood with his back to Dirk, listlessly in the middle of the kitchen.

He looked for all the world as if he’d already forgotten what he was going to do in the room entirely, both his hands resting lightly on the counter top and quivering slightly from where Dirk could see. 

“Todd?” Dirk inquired tentatively, not liking the lack of response he received (Todd was, more often than not, very quick to jerk to attention), “Are you… _crying_?!” 

He couldn’t help that he’d sort of just… blurted the question out, like that. 

Todd Brotzman was a lot of things (and he meant a _lot_ of things) but a crybaby, Dirk stood firm, was not one of them. 

Rarely, Dirk mused, did he cry without good reason (and, even then, it was a scant few tears tracked down his cheeks before they were swiped away hastily and with irritation)

Rarer then, was it for him to cry completely unprompted, and in the middle of the kitchen, no less. 

In reply, Todd sniffed a little again before turning back to face Dirk and giving him an incredulous look.

“No?” He returned (belatedly, Dirk noted, which was not looking good for him) and, when Dirk looked closer, he did have to admit that Todd’s eyes didn’t seem any more tear filled or red-rimmed than, well--

Than they normally were. 

“Oh.” Dirk pouted, feeling a little chastised, before perking up almost instantly, “You’re sick, then?”

Todd studied him tentatively for a moment before turning back to the kitchen and beginning to rifle through the kitchen drawers halfheartedly. 

“I guess.” He tossed over his shoulder, “I feel… Clammy. I don’t know. I might just be tired.” 

There was a prolonged silence, before Todd broke it (characteristically) with a sharp shriek when Dirk approached from behind and placed a hand on his forehead without forewarning. 

“What are you doing?!” Todd demanded, his voice rising a little hysterically. 

(Which was unnecessary, Dirk thought, considering they had shared the same living space for the better part of a year and should therefore be a little more used to each other’s Sneaking Up habits, at this point) 

“I’m feeling you for fever.” Dirk murmured, waving his free hand dismissively, “Do you have any other symptoms? Besides the runny nose, I mean. Headache? Nausea? Sore throat?” 

Todd blinked, his bright eyes (brighter than usual?) startled into meeting Dirk’s in a fashion that made Dirk’s stomach flutter pleasantly, “Um, yeah? Yes.”

Dirk quirked a brow, “You are aware that you just confirmed all three symptoms.”

“...Yes.” Todd replied, after a moment, giving Dirk cause to believe that he was probably telling at least part of the truth (if not the entirety of it), “But it’s-I’m fine. Really.” 

Dirk frowned, scrutinizing Todd’s face closely for any sign of a lie.

The clacking of paws on the wood floor of their kitchen interrupted the moment, and Dirk’s hand fell away from Todd’s forehead completely when his shorter companion knelt to the ground to greet their new company. 

“Hey, Lydia!” Todd cried, taking the Corgi’s head in between his hands and showering her with affection while Dirk pouted in the background, trying not to feel snubbed by the obviously more enthusiastic greeting their dog was receiving upon his boyfriend’s arrival. 

“Oh, sure!” Dirk intervened after letting Todd have his moment, “The Corgi gets kisses.” 

Todd chuckled, a hoarse but beautiful sound if Dirk had ever heard one, and gave Lydia one last affectionate rub before turning and standing again.

Dirk didn’t miss the wince Todd tried to mask as he did. 

“You don’t want kisses, trust me.” Todd offered.

Dirk smirked and strode forward until his long arms were wrapped tightly around Todd’s shoulders, “Try me.” 

He leaned forward, and for a moment it seemed that Todd were about to give into his wishes (for once) before the shorter broke out of Dirk’s embrace for the second time that evening.

“Ugh.” Todd groaned, sounding almost _disgusted_ at the prospect, “Seriously, Dirk.” 

He strode back into the kitchen and began his frantic drawer search again, “Do we have any tea?” 

Dirk felt his heart sink at the dismissal, but forced himself to perk up, for Todd’s sake, “What kind of tea?” 

“Anything.” Todd replied immediately, then paused before attempting, “Something to help with nausea?” 

“Ah!” Dirk cried, practically bounding to Todd’s side and opening a specific drawer, as if on instinct (he was very good with where they kept their tea), “So you _are_ feeling nauseas.” 

Todd sent him a puzzled look, “I told you I was.” 

“Ah, but how could I be sure you were telling the truth?” Dirk shot back eagerly, before his words truly caught up to him and he turned, mouth drawing down into an “o” shape, box of vanilla tea held limply in one hand. 

“You-” Todd quirked his head to the side ( _never_ a good sign), “Dirk, you _what_? How could you-- Why wouldn’t I be telling the truth?” 

Dirk sputtered, for the better part of five seconds he sputtered, before turning his back to Todd and preparing the kettle hastily. 

“You know,” He cried, barely concealed panic making his voice squeak embarrassingly, “Vanilla tea has _loads_ of great uses. Nausea is just the beginning of--” 

“Dirk.” Todd interrupted, voice brooking no room for argument, “Why wouldn’t I be telling the truth?” 

His voice was closer now, and Dirk could only concentrate on the task at hand seconds longer before he sighed and turned to meet Todd’s confused (hurt) gaze reluctantly. 

“Todd.” He began, “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“Oh?” Todd inquired, “How did you mean it?” 

“I meant--” Dirk huffed and tried again, “Todd, I only meant--” 

“That I’m a liar.” Todd interrupted waspishly, puffing up in a way he probably thought made him look more intimidating (in Dirk’s mind, were he a little less timid, it probably would have just looked rather cute)

“No-”

“That you-You can’t trust me to tell you the truth about something as stupid as symptoms of the--of the flu?!” 

“ _Todd_.” Dirk interjected sharply, stomping his foot a little impatiently, “That is _not_ what I meant.” 

Todd raised his eyebrows, and Dirk felt his stomach plummet when he noticed that Todd’s eyes were now inarguably red-rimmed. 

(So much for his earlier theory)

“Just that I’m not trustworthy.” Todd murmured, though the heat seemed to have gone from his arguments entirely, and he let his gaze drop to the floor. 

“Todd,” Dirk pleaded, infuriated that the name seemed all he was able to say eloquently, at the moment, “You know better than to think that--” 

“Not now, Dirk.” Todd interrupted, shoving past and knocking the tea from Dirk’s grasp, now gone completely limp, and heading back toward the entryway.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Dirk called hesitantly. 

“I’m leaving, asshole.” Todd bit out, reaching out and scooping Dirk’s keys from the bowl on the coffee table. 

“What?” Dirk squeaked, propelling himself forward until he was stood next to Todd, again, “And taking my car?” 

Todd paused, clenching his jaw and studying the ground for a long moment before meeting Dirk’s gaze petulantly.

“It’s our car.” He muttered lowly. 

“A car that _you_ are not taking.” Dirk argued, reaching forward to snatch the keys back from Todd’s (unexpectedly tight) fist. 

“I _need_ a car!” Todd snapped, launching himself forward in an attempt to reach the keys that were now held aloft, suspended above Dirk’s head. 

“ _Not_!” Dirk cried, taking a deep, steeling breath before forcing himself to continue, “Not if you’re just going to go get-get _drunk_!”

Todd blinked, and they both stood there, breathing harshly in the middle of the living room and gazing at each other in equal amounts of shock. 

The moment was broken, however, by Todd’s face screwing up in fury. 

“Fine!” He cried, his voice going shrill as he ran a hand through his hair so that it stood almost completely on end. 

(He looked entirely mad, Dirk thought miserably, and he hadn’t even hit the pub yet)

Before Dirk could entirely process the movement, Todd had moved away and was, again, striding for the door. 

“Todd, wait!” He cried, stretching a hand out uselessly.

Seemingly alerted by the noise, Lydia trotted into the room to stand next to Dirk, barking sharply as if crying out for the same reason.

“Gah!” Todd cried, gripping the door with one white-knuckled hand and pointing at Dirk with the other, “Shut up!” He snapped, then glanced down at Lydia, “You too! Just-- Shut up!” 

Dirk gaped, too shocked to move forward to stop Todd’s slamming the door and final exit. 

There was a long moment of silence, in which the door’s slamming seemed to rattle the entirety of the apartment, only to be broken by Lydia’s low whine. 

“Oh, Lydia.” Dirk murmured, leaning down to pat the Corgi’s head sympathetically, “I’m absolutely sure he didn’t mean it. He is your father, after all. Well,” He made a face, “One of them. And he does love you.” 

Lydia blinked at him, but neglected to answer otherwise (which, after all, made sense) 

Dirk sighed and straightened, heading back into the kitchen and beginning to place the scattered tea packets back into their container mulishly. 

He allowed himself a bit to sulk, busying himself with watering a couple of the houseplants that sat in the kitchen’s one windowsill and the larger ones scattered along the floor next to the countertop. 

He smiled dreamily, his mind going back to only that morning when Todd had emerged from their bedroom, hair sleep-mussed and cheeks flushed. He’d yawned and stumbled into the room blearily, only to trip over one of the large plants and let out a loud curse. 

Perhaps it had been a bit… tactless, for Dirk to laugh (quite loudly) at the scenario, but Todd, after having calmed down, shot him an exasperated (absolutely beautiful) smile, and they had shared a very good snog afterward, so maybe--

Maybe it hadn’t ended entirely badly. 

Lydia whined again from her perch on the living room sofa, low and urgent and loud enough to tear Dirk from his thoughts. 

He blinked, glancing between the corgi and the car keys still lying where he’d tossed them onto the coffee table in disgust earlier. 

“Shit!” Dirk cried, bolting forward to scoop the keys up and dash toward the door. 

“I’ll be back, Lydia!” He called over his shoulder, before closing the front door behind himself and rushing down the street and after Todd. 

\---

By the time Dirk finally located his errant boyfriend, Todd was only just starting his third drink (Dirk knew the barman, and was therefore easily able to obtain the helpful information after a brief chat), yet he looked almost entirely sloshed; his hands trembling slightly around the frosted glass. 

Dirk allowed himself a moment to study the hunched figure at the bar-top in lingering pity and swelling affection, before he took a deep breath and steeled himself for the conversation ahead. 

“I think,” Dirk murmured, moving forward to remove the glass from between Todd’s hands before he could fully process the situation, “That you have had enough.” 

Todd blinked owlishly at the now empty space at the bar before him, then at Dirk himself, before frowning moodily in reply. 

“Go away, Dirk.” He replied, his voice surprisingly steady, given the other variables of the situation, “I don’t want to talk to you right now.” 

“Yes, well,” Dirk began to snap, only thinking to lower his voice when a couple of other patrons of the bar turned their curious heads in their direction, “I think you ought to, you know. Maybe you’d better-better come home. For now.” 

He extended a hand, intending to place it gently on Todd’s shoulder, before it was roughly shoved aside by Todd’s own impatient hand. 

“I’m not going anywhere with you.” He replied irritably, beginning to turn back to the bar, “Go home, Dirk.” 

Dirk inhaled another, calming breath before reaching forward and taking Todd’s arm in a firm grip. 

“Todd--”

“ _Dirk_ ,” Todd interrupted, standing and lurching forward to grip Dirk’s shoulders between his hands so suddenly that Dirk took a step back in surprise. 

“Hey!” The barman ( _Sam_ , Dirk thought distantly) interjected, though Dirk could make out only the outline of his concerned expression past Todd’s one of pure, barely concealed rage, “You’d better not be thinkin’ about starting anything in here. You alright, Dirk?” 

Dirk forced a smile and tore his gaze away from Todd’s continually twisting expression 

“Perfectly!” He replied lightly, turning back when he heard Todd scoff in disgust. 

“Forget this.” Todd muttered, releasing Dirk’s shoulders as if burned by them, “I’m leaving.” 

“Todd, wait!” Dirk cried for the second time that evening, hurrying after Todd’s already retreating form hastily after shooting one last grateful smile at the barman and tossing a handful of cash on the bar-top.

(He had no idea if it was the right amount, really, but he wasn’t about to leave without at least making some kind of attempt)

“I brought the car!” Dirk yelled after Todd as soon as he had exited into the brisk Seattle evening, “Let me give you a ride!” 

“I’m not going home.” Todd snapped over his shoulder, not even bothering to turn around to answer. 

“Well-” Dirk sputtered, “Let me at least give you a ride to wherever it is you’re going, then.” He paused, “Amanda’s?” 

The words had their desired effect, Dirk noted with little satisfaction, and Todd slowed his stride until it stopped completely. 

“What if I’m just going to another bar?” He called back after a moment, still refusing to turn back around. 

Dirk frowned, “Then I’d still take you.” He admitted reluctantly, then tacked on, “But I’d also still probably call Amanda.” 

There was a long, tense pause, before Todd sighed heavily, his shoulders rising visibly with the action, and he finally ( _finally_ ) turned around to face Dirk head on. 

“Where’s the car?” He murmured, his shoulder slumping in defeat. 

Dirk, try as he might, couldn’t help the relieved smile that began to spread across his face at the words. 

To his delight, Todd didn’t look too irritated at the action, at all. 

\---

Dirk found, however, that his victory was short lived. 

In the 7 or so minutes it took them to drive back to the apartment, Todd managed to go from vaguely mulish to downright ill-looking.

“Are you alright, Todd?” Dirk had broached, as they pulled into the apartment building's parking lot. 

Todd opted not to answer, and instead turned to exit the car before Dirk had even killed the engine.

(“ _Add non-verbal to the list of symptoms,_ ” Dirk thought, moodily. And he’d really thought they were making progress, too)

The trip up to the apartment wasn’t much better. 

Todd remained completely silent in the elevator, making the trip unnecessarily awkward, in Dirk’s opinion.

He turned slightly to study his companion, noting with some concern the fine sheen of sweat that had began to form along Todd’s forehead, and the gradually paling tint to his complexion.

“Todd,” Dirk began again, his voice echoing dimly in the small, contained space. 

He felt a small amount of victory when Todd turned to face him at the word.

“Are you-Are you sure you’re alright?”

Todd blanched a little and swallowed compulsively, “I-”

He cut himself off when the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, exiting as quickly as possible instead of answering. 

“Oh.” Dirk murmured under his breath, feeling a pang of sympathy when he heard more than saw Todd rush into the apartment and toward the bathroom. 

_Oh._

\---

When Dirk caught up to his companion, Todd was hunched over the toilet, retching out the last of the contents of his stomach, Lydia whining sympathetically at his feet. 

“You didn’t drink that much!” Dirk exclaimed, unable to help falling to his knees also, and beginning to rub Todd’s back gently. 

“I-” Todd gulped, “I told you I was sick, remember?”

“Oh,” Dirk quipped, not really feeling any heat behind the words, at this point, “So you’re saying it’s my fault.” 

Todd shook his head sadly, throwing Dirk for a bit of a loop. 

(Normally, he wasn’t one to give up so easily)

“No.” Todd murmured, taking another deep, gasping breath, “It’s mine. It’s all been my fault.” 

And, to Dirk’s utter astonishment, Todd began to cry in earnest. 

Dirk faltered, his hands freezing up in their previous action as he stared at the scene before him in bewilderment. 

Not only was it unusual for Todd to cry so completely… _unabashedly_ (as Dirk had covered earlier), but it was somewhat shocking to hear him heap the blame on top of himself with so little argument. 

Then again, Dirk mused, he _had_ fallen ill. 

The moment seemed to have stretched on a bit long, Dirk realized belatedly; the only sounds in the room being Todd’s soft little sobs echoing pitifully off the bathroom tile. 

“Hey!” Dirk cried, a little too loudly, lurching forward to wrap his arms protectively around Todd’s trembling shoulders, “It’s alright. Even if it is all your fault, it’s alright. Whatever _it_ is.”

Todd paused, before chuckling wetly, “You’re terrible at this.” 

“I know.” Dirk replied immediately, then, softer, “Todd… None of this is your fault.” 

“Ye-” Todd hiccuped on another sob, a new wave of tears making their way down his face, to Dirk’s disappointment, “Yes it is. Everything is.” 

“I really, _really_ don’t understand what you mean by ‘everything’, Todd.” Dirk commented, making a face, “But it really is a little bit exhausting.”

“I fucked up.” Todd answered immediately, making Dirk jolt a little at the sudden vehemence of the words, “I picked on you. I started our fight and I-I yelled at Lydia.” He sniffed a little miserably. 

“Well,” Dirk mulled the words carefully over in his mind before replying, “I think Lydia forgives you. But I-” He sighed, “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have distrusted you and I’m sorry.” 

Todd froze a little, before shifting and turning his face upward so Dirk could see the deep frown marring his features. 

“You don’t need to be sorry.” He declared, as if it were obvious and Dirk were a little thick for even suggesting it, “ _I’m_ the one who needs to be sorry. You have a lot of reasons to distrust me, Dirk. It’s okay.” 

Dirk frowned. 

He knew Todd blamed himself for a lot of things; one of the biggest being lying to Amanda and their parents about a certain number of financial situations over the past couple of years in order to increase his personal income when he hadn’t necessarily “wanted to work” in the past.

Since then (Since he’d met Dirk, Dirk sometimes thought-- privately), he’d opened up to both parties involved and made an enormous attempt at becoming a more honest individual. 

Which was why Dirk grew quite tired of hearing Todd talk so much shit about himself, if he were honest. 

Now, however, did not seem quite the time to say these words exactly. 

“Well,” He ventured instead, “Maybe we both have reasons to be sorry. But I won’t take my apology back.” He shot Todd a small smile, revelling in their closeness even though Todd was snotty and still more than a little miserable. 

Todd huffed a laugh and shifted; though he did not make an effort to extract himself from Dirk’s hold just yet. 

(This, to Dirk’s elation)

“Still,” Todd was murmuring, “One bad day isn’t a good enough reason for me to… verbally attack you out of nowhere.”

Dirk frowned, ignoring the latter part of the sentence in favor of inquiring, “You had a bad day?” 

Todd sighed, rolling his eyes a little before elaborating, “Yeah well, job hunting is just-- it’s hard right now, okay? And the band isn’t- They’re not--”

He trailed off, but Dirk frowned, having heard enough to fill in the blanks for himself. 

He knew how much Todd loved and valued his band. He, however, was a little bit less enthusiastic about the whole thing. 

In fact, the whole band, in his opinion, could be rather… well--

“Come on!” He cried suddenly, rather than press the issue any further, making to stand and helping Todd to his feet (slowly).

“Wha-” Todd stumbled and caught Dirk’s upper arms in a tight grip, “Okay, Dirk. You have to warn me when you’re gonna do that.” 

“Oh please.” Dirk dismissed, smiling easily, “We need to stand so we can get you off to bed properly, with a mug of warm tea and cuddles. The latter being from Lydia and myself, obviously.” 

Todd blinked, and began to offer a soft smile before his face twisted, and his hand went to rest on his stomach.

“Ugh.” He groaned, “Maybe just the cuddling, for now. A-and not even a lot of that.” 

Dirk counted the offer as a victory. 

“Nonsense.” He replied, anyway, “You need a cup of strong chamomile to calm your stomach, as well as your sore throat. Now-”

“How did you-?” Todd interrupted, shooting him an entirely Too Suspicious look.

“Doctor’s intuition, naturally.” Dirk dismissed, “Now, off to bed with you and I’ll whip that tea right up.” 

Todd eyed him dubiously another long moment, before extracting himself and beginning a slow shuffle in the direction of their bedroom. 

Dirk watched him go, an affectionate smile begin to tug at his lips at the sight. 

He blinked, then, something suddenly seeming so important that it couldn’t wait. 

“Todd!” He cried, his stomach twisting with nerves as Todd turned back to look over his shoulder expectantly, eyes still a little red and nose a little snotty. 

_He’s beautiful_. Dirk thought dreamily.

“I love you.” He forced himself to say instead, shrugging and smiling a little at the admission.

Todd’s eyes widened in shock, and he stared another long moment before a small smile began to form on his face. 

“You too.” 

And Dirk mused, as he watched Todd chuckle a little nervously before continuing his trek toward the bedroom, that he hadn’t ever felt quite so free and happy in his entire life.

**Author's Note:**

> (hi i'm the idiot who cant remember how to center text)  
> okAY so i fell immediately for this show and i fell _hard_  
>  honestly this, as the first part of a series, was a whole lot Gayer and Angstier than i originally set out for it to be but You Know. I can't complain, really  
> I didn't have anyone to beta this because absolutely Nobody i know has actually watched this show so I apologize wholeheartedly if it is complete Shit  
> as always, you can find me at my blog [here](http://suitablyhip.tumblr.com) where i am always willing to discuss cartoons and/or dirk gently and his gay assistant now, apparently  
> thank you so so much for reading!


End file.
